Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
