His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
