She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
