I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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