His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Found the puke drawer
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
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