She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
