Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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