I'm eating all of the evidence.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
