I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
