I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
