I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
