I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
