I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
