i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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