God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
