it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
