well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Randomize
