oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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