i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
