ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
