Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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