i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
