sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
