I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
