You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
