When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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