my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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