3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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