Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
