Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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