Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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