I showed him my bush... on skype.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
