I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
