you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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