I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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