I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
