Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
