where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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