there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
