if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
