im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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