You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
