I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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