it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
