I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
