just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Found your dick twin last night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
