sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
