The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
