I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
