Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
