So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
