Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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