In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
